The Dark Becomes The Light

by The Cellophane Heart

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about

The Dark Becomes The Light - the debut solo album from Jer @ SBS in his new project The Cellophane Heart.

Dealing largely with the processing of emotional stimulation, both positive and negative, this 2-sided album is laid out semi-autobiographically.

I've been in the dark for far too long....my mind is a series of cobwebs and clutter. Memories drift in and out of my mind constantly during consciousness and the past makes itself known to me as familiar as the present. But there's a light of hope...always...that I can break away from it all and become the best version of myself somehow.

I suppose that's what this is all about.

credits

released May 1, 2014

100% DIY, recorded here in the comfort of good ol' sleepingbagstudios

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license

all rights reserved

about

The Cellophane Heart Abbotsford, British Columbia

Solo and DIY for the first time in over 5 years, Jer @ SBS from sleepingbagstudios has found a comfortable home in this new project, The Cellophane Heart.

A mixture of electronic-based music infused with rock...at least for this album. He believes in trying anything and everything, so who knows what this project will sound like in the future. The possibilities are limitless.
... more

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Track Name: Hemo
Man overboard
She cut the cord
Makes this decision all alone...

The night fell slow
And you had to go
You didn't know that she'd be gone...

You're bleeding from the inside
You're bleeding from the inside out

I walked outside in a silent scream
Awake and floating in this scene...
I saw you standing on the street
And whereupon our eyes did meet.

But you didn't know me....

Still bleeding from the inside
Still bleeding from the inside out

Man overboard
She cut the cord
Makes this decision all alone...

Man overboard
She cut the cord
Makes this decision all alone...
Track Name: Come Forward And Claim Me
Everyone wants a little piece of my soul
Everyone wants a little piece of my soul

I try so hard not to let go
I try so hard not to let go
But everyone wants a little piece of my soul

I give up, I'm let down
I find myself on the ground
Not knowing which way is up
Or how I got this far down
I feel drained and in pain
And it's raining again in my face
While I lie here my soul is erased

Can you hear me?
Cause I'm fucking screaming
Can you feel me?
Or was I even here?
Are you ready?
Cause I'm fucking coming clean
I'll get this shit off my chest even if it kills you and me

Everyone wants a little piece of my soul
Everyone wants a little piece of my soul

I tried so hard not to let go
I tried so hard not to let go
But everyone wants a little piece of my soul

Everyone wants a little piece of my soul

I close my eyes and pretend
That it's all over again
That the elevator's closing
And it's time to descend
All the way to the bottom
With the others forgotten
Hollow memories of the goods turning rotten

Can you hear me?
Cause I'm fucking screaming
Can you feel me?
Or was I even here?
Are you ready?
Cause I'm fucking coming clean
I'll get this shit off my chest even if it kills you and me

Everyone wants a little piece of my soul
Everyone wants a little piece of my soul

Everyone wants a little piece of my soul
Everyone wants a little piece of my soul
Track Name: Your Art Will Kill You
"Your art...it will kill you,"
That's what she said.
"But if that's not really living dear,
I'd rather be dead."
All alone in pursuit
I feel the weight and distress
All from my own persecution
To not be like the rest

"Your art will kill you," she said.
"Your art it will kill you my friend."

I met a man who once told me
A tale of regrets
He led a lifetime of crime
That could have better been spent
And one day while at home
While he was lying in bed
His life had changed in a flash
Like someone pushed his reset

"Your art will kill you," he said
"Your art it will kill you my friend."
"Your art will kill you," he said
"Your art it should kill you my friend."

In pursuit of the knowledge
I've been turning the key
I've been trying to see
What's been locked inside of me
With a passion that burns
And massive need to express
I might explode like a star
Or disappear like the rest...

Your art will kill you my friend
Imitating life and pretend
The justified and means to your end
Your art it should kill you again

Your art would kill you I bet
Your art it should kill you my friend

Your art it will kill you my friend
Imitating life and pretend
The justified and means to your end
Your art it should kill you again
Your art it will kill you my friend
Imitating life and pretend
The justified and means to your end
Your art it should kill you again

Your art would kill you I bet
Your art it should kill you my friend
Track Name: Devilish
The top 5 things on my mind this time
Are how you can do what you do and still drive me wild
...it all starts with a smile...
...and devilish as it may be

I'm guilty of loving you
The only thing that I'm guilty of is loving you
And devilish as it may be
I'm guilty of loving you
The only thing that I'm guilty of is loving you

...and devilish as it may be....

The top 5 things on my mind
Are how you can do what you do and still drive me wild
...it all starts with a smile...
...and devilish as it may be

I'm guilty of loving you
The only thing that I'm guilty of is loving you
And devilish as it may be
I'm guilty of loving you
The only thing that I'm guilty of is loving you

...and devilish as it may be....
...and devilish as it may be....
Track Name: What Is Really Scaring You...
Feels like the beat in my heart has sprung to life
This doesn't feel right, it's awful and a horrible sight...
All of the things that can scare you exist below the light
Now the surrounding is dark
To have the courage, will I...

...Fight for convictions now
Your convictions now.

I wanna say that it's ok to feel the way you do but I
Can't help the way this fire chooses how to burn me till I die
I wanna say that it's ok and we come out of this unchanged
Look at each other with a sad smile and we'd know it was the same

But are we better off this way?

We could do it all again
The pleasure and the pain
Experienced again
We are in love
We are the same

We are in love, we are the same
We are in love, we are the same

Feels like this endless darkness is hiding the light
Its cold embracing me slowly as I give up the fight

Whatever we had will end
It will die and it will rise again
Whatever you wanted to see
Would run away and it would hide from me
However complex the mend
It will die and it will rise again
The pleasure and the pain
Twisting through our veins
Forgetting both our names
We are in love, we are the same
We are in love, we are the same
We are in love, we are the same
We are the same

But are we better off this way?

Experienced again
The pleasure and the pain
Experienced again
We are in love, we are the same

We are in love, we are the same, we are in love, we are the same, we are in love, we are the same, we are in love, we are the same, we are in love, we are the same, we are in love, we are the same, we are in love, we are the same, we are in love, we are the same, we are in love, we are the same, we are in love, we are the same, we are in love, we are the same, we are in love, we are the same, we are in love, we are the same, we are in love, we are the same, we are in love, we are the same, we are in love, we are the same, we are in love, we are the same, we are in love, we are the same, we are in love, we are the same, we are in love, we are the same, we are in love, we are the same, we are in love, we are the same, we are in love, we are the same, we are in love, we are the same, we are in love, we are the same, we are in love, we are the same, we are in love, we are the same

We are the same
We're all the same
WE'RE ALL THE SAME!
Track Name: Silent
"Can't stop the yelling in my head," she said,
"It's complicated..."

"I'd rather that than just be dead."

You see? I tried explaining to her
That the rest could be easy
We could leave this place and just try to forget where we're from
I know the rest could be easy
We could leave this place and just deal with the rest as it comes

"I can't forget the things they said," she said,
"It's complicated..."

"They're only real inside your head."

You see? I tried explaining to her...
That the voices were silent
We could leave this place and just try to avoid all the violence
That the voices were silent
We could leave this place in a hurry and just try to hide

And just try to hide

And the rest could be easy
We could leave this place and just try to forget where we're from
I know the rest could be easy
We could leave this place and just deal with the rest as it comes

"Can't stop the yelling in my head," she said,
"It's complicated..."

"My darling, did you take your meds?"

You see? I tried explaining to her...
That the shadows were silent
We could leave this place and just try to control all the violence
That the shadows were silent
We could leave this place and just try to find ourselves some new guidance

"I can't keep track of what I've said," she said,
"It's complicated..."

"Fight the war right inside your head."

You see? I tried explaining to her
That her voice has been silent
We could place, catch a ride and we could leave it behind us
That the voices were silent
We could leave this place in a hurry and just try to hide

And the rest could be easy
And the rest could be easy
And the rest could be easy

We could leave this place in a hurry and just try to hide
Track Name: Dogs
Mmmmmmmm...ooooo
What do we have here?
This looks nice....

I found a dirty little hole and it's right where I want to stay
Hiding inside where it's dark and in perfect decay

Oooooooo
Look at this place
It's a dirty little hole

There's blood on face as I stay in through the rain
I can feel all my insides try to leave me again
But escape is so close and I won't go away
Back to the pen or back to anywhere they want me to stay

I am free, and if they catch me they'll crucify me
So I run through the night and I hide in the trees
I hear leaves crunching underneath all of the feet
Of the dogs getting closer to the smell of my meat

There is no reason to risk, give my position away
I've been holding my breath for what feels like a day
But escape is so close that I can go through the pain
To avoid getting dragged back all the way through the rain

I am free, and if they catch me they'll crucify me
So I run through the night and I hide in the trees
I hear my heartbeat become a second version of me
As the dogs continue closer to the smell of my meat

As the dogs continue closer to the smell of my meat
As the dogs continue closer to the smell of my meat
As the dogs continue closer to the smell of my meat
As the dogs continue closer to the smell of my meat

Oh yeah
Track Name: A Mother's Love
(from original voice-mails the vagina that birthed me left on my phone)

"I'm trying to locate your grandmother who seems to be lost somewhere in West Vancouver so if you hear from her would you please do the courtesy of giving me a call? Seriously, courtesy Jeremy that's all it is. Thank you."

"Hello Jeremy, it's your mother...you remember me I'm sure. I'm just sitting on my porch in the nice weather, oooh, watching the deer go over to my picnic place. Doing pretty good over here...so I just thought I'd call and say that. Doing just fine thank you very much and...uh...hope you like it! Love ya! Buh-bye!"

"Good heavens Jeremy...you can't answer the phone to say hello?
(heavvvvvvvvvvvy sigh)
It isn't supposed to be this way. So. You can run, you can hide, you can ignore, you can do whatever you want...however...I will be coming to see you in the next couple weeks. And I want you to tell me to my face. Tell me to my face and we're done...ok? I really don't understand what you're doing...but I love you anyway. Bye for now."

"Hello Jeremy, it's your mother...yep, yep...I am STILL your mother. Just...uh...wanting to say hi and I cannot...fathom why you wouldn't want to just say hi. So....ummm....THINK about it. I just want to know if you're happy. Cause I love you. So, if you can manage to do that, that would be appreciated. Thanks so much, buh-bye."

"Ok Jeremy, I give up. I love you."

"Gladstone......mini-Gladstone.....this is Shirley. I understand that you have nothing...nothing of interest for me...and uh...it's gone vice-versa. Honest to God that's something I never thought I'd ever say.

YOU'RE NOT MY SON.

You're Marc's son. And that's unfortunate. So...if your wife doesn't know about your abortions or your mother in law doesn't know about that or whatever else it is that you're trying to hide that you wanna put on me, you go ahead. You own that. I will be there Saturday and I will be picking up my stuff.

And I want you to block my number cause I don't ever, and I mean EVER...want to hear from you again."
Track Name: Rebuilding 101
You've been busy
You've been busy
Living in your headspace

While I've been missing out
Been missing out....and been replaced

I could ask,
"Why did this happen?" and
"Why did this happen?" and
"Why did this happen to me?"

But the rest doesn't matter
The rest doesn't matter
The rest, it doesn't matter to me

We all rebuild.

Oh my you've been busy
You've been busy
Living out your life
While I've been missing out
Been missing out on the highlights

I could ask,
"Why did this happen?" and
"Why did this happen?" and
"Why did this happen to me?"

But the rest doesn't matter
The rest doesn't matter
The rest, it doesn't matter to me

The rest doesn't matter
The rest doesn't matter
The rest, it doesn't matter to me

You've lost your hold on me
You don't matter, anymore
Track Name: The Quiet & The Alone
I stepped outside of myself
Went for a walk in the streetlights
I like the quiet and I like the alone...

But still around every corner I know that
I'm, I'm hoping that I might see you
And every single little shadow I see
Is comforting me, like I'm right beside you

All I wanted was to see you again
Outside in the night with the streetlights
"I like the quiet when I'm with you alone," she said

Then a tear fell from the crack of her eye
And I, I reached out to catch it quickly
When I looked back at my hands they were empty
As I was when you'd met me once before

We met nearly four years ago
Underneath these very streetlights
Snow falling and quiet and we were alone

And for a moment I lost track of the time
And I, I could no longer see you with me
Another moment you were taken away
And part of me, it went away with you...

But if I close my eyes real tight
I can, I can still see you beside me
And when the daylight breaks my eyelids
I'll, I'll still know you always loved me

It feels like another lifetime ago
Before they put up the streetlights
Before the quiet and you had found me alone
When I was waiting for you....

Now when I walk outside it's quiet
And I, I look but I can't find you
It's a beautiful reminder of the time
When I first laid my eyes on you

But now the lights are off and I am alone.
But now the lights are off and I am alone.
Track Name: Self-Worth
When all is said and done
You looked at me and said
"Well that was kinda fun, and yeah,
I don't regret it yet."
But the sun has not come up
And we're right still here in bed
We're lying to each other now
While lying in this bed

When all is said and done
Will you remember this?
Will you hear this song at night
And remember when we kissed?
I loved you all along
But to you I just mean shit
When all is done and gone
Was I ever a part of it?
Or you?

Ever a part of it?
Was I ever a part of it?
A part of it for you?
Was I ever a part of it?
A part of it for you?
Track Name: Ted's Invention
Ted led me down the stairs again
He wants to show me all about the things about his new invention
And I've tried to understand his work....oh yeah

The machines go in...
The machines go out...
And they all make sounds
That I don't understand

I really don't understand a single thing
But Ted's maniacal laughter seemed so oddly soothing
A bolt of red flame and the game is fully fucking on
All the pieces remain but the people that have made them are far gone

The machines go in...
The machines go out...
And they all make sounds
That I don't understand

I've been blinded by good ol' Ted's technology
And my ocular perception has adjusted...but I'm not suffering
I can see things in colours now that I didn't know could be
But will this end me or is this my reality?

The machines go in...
The machines go out...
And my brain goes down
As they all make sounds
They make sounds
They all...they make sounds
They make sounds
They all...they make sounds
They make sounds
They all...they make sounds
They make sounds
That I don't understand

They make so much sound
These colours Ted and I have found
They make so much sound
These colours Ted and I have found
Track Name: The Oxidation Process
I wanted to go away but I wanted to let you in
I wanted to close my eyes and find you climbed within
These dreams I have of you
They....they will not stop
But when I open up my eyes I'm missing you in all my thoughts

But still I
I can try
Try to get you in here deep inside
Of my mind
Where I hide
But I'll get there soon if you give me time

I'm looking through into the best of you tonight
Where your love's been my life support
Like oxygen to fire

I wanted to say something but it had to come from you
Where my words would fail me I'd prefer the ones you choose
I wanted to let you in to love me even more
But after all this time what if I find I've said it all before?

But still I
I can try
Try to get you in on the inside
Of my mind
Where I find
We are not yet fully oxidized

I'm looking through into the best years of our life
Where we're old and on the porch
And your hand's still in mine

I wanted to breathe your air and to walk in both your shoes
I wanted to be on your mind and define myself with you
The way I miss you never stops to make me think about
Just why I wrote this song for you
A tattoo in music ink

For you I
I will try
I'll try to fix the broken parts inside
Of my mind
Where you smile

And when it settles maybe we can hang for a while
We can hang for a while
Yeah, we can hang for a while
We can hang for a while
Yeah we can hang for a while

Cause you define my life
You have turned my darkness into light
Cause you define my life
You have turned my darkness into light
Track Name: Milquetoast
It was Wednesday afternoon when you said goodbye
I wish that I had said what I needed to say instead of push it aside
But the sun is shining bright, despite the rain that falls inside
Of my mind's eye, where talking to you, it doesn't feel like a lie

But I couldn't tell that you held on to them so well
I couldn't think enough to speak
My brain is dumb
My heart is weak

And my impending doom, it feels like a lie
I wish that I could hand over the wheel and trust you to drive
You whisper softly now but I cannot remember how
These words had used to sound when you would speak aloud
And not just in my mind

I couldn't say anything....anything to make you stay
I couldn't save enough of my face
So here I come in second place

And in my room alone I wait here to die
I wish the sun, it would start to come out
Cause it's raining inside of me

And your image will appear if the weather becomes clear
It can feel like you were just right here with me
When I just close my eyes....

I couldn't tell...no I couldn't function all that well
All the things that you would say....the zero difference they would make

I blew up all our plans so you'd say goodbye
Now I'm back at the start and still healing my heart
And still wondering why

I can feel you in the walls
I get the chills and start to call aloud your name
But nothing will change
Cause you, you're just in my mind

Adjusting my mind

I'm living my life on my own now that you've said goodbye
I'm wondering if...if my heart it will break, or am I gonna die?
Cause I thought that we would be unbreakable as two could be
I thought that we could see the way through all of this insanity

I couldn't tell, no I couldn't function all that well
Could not believe all of these things you'd say to me

Your love's like a warning
Your love's like a warning
Track Name: The Pull Of Your Beautiful Gravity
You don't have to worry about a thing
Cause I'll be your knight in shining armor
And I'll save you in the end
We'll rule the couch like queen and king
The remote control is ordering and changing up our universe tonight

I see your smile still sparkling
I watch you stumble in the dark
But you fall towards me, so it's ok...
I reach out with my hands to catch you

But I don't really have a plan and we tumble down connected
We tumble down connected, yeah
Track Name: As Close As Friends Can Be...
Slipping quietly underneath my feelings for you
With isolated ice-cold veins, you'll do what you have to do
And you know that it's true...oh
You know that it's true

I've arranged to leave by train but leave my heart with you
I must be crazy to feel this way if I mean nothing to you
But oh I want to...

I think about you at night
I think about you all the time
I think about the way that you and I were side by side

We were side by side...

Together you and I
We were side by side
Together you and I
We were side by side
Yeah we were side by side

Together you and I
We once found a way to survive
You and I
We once found a way to survive

We were side by side
Yeah we were side by side
We were side by side
Track Name: Captivated
Meet me after it's dark
We'll take the car for a ride and we'll put it in park
And when the sun comes to wake us again
We'll stay here in the car until it turns into rain

Cause I'm still dreaming of you
And you...
You'll always captivate me
I can't catch my breath
No, I can't even breathe

I'm calling you back, can you just understand
I'm walking the line that I've drawn in the sand
All steps towards me, getting you back
I'm counting on you to be doing the math

This one and one make two
And you...
You'll never see me divided
I'm ten times the person for having met you

I gave you a rose one day
I kissed your face while we were both standing out in the rain
I didn't expect anything
But the tone in your voice told me that it was safe

And now I don't have to dream
And you...
You have helped me to see
You've always been there beside me
And always will be

You always will be
You always will be
You always will be
You always will be
Track Name: Search Party (Featuring Larry)
I caught a wave and I got carried away
And chances are, I belong out here
Don't send a search party, I won't send them away
I bring the party to the place right here
But if I miss you I'll be sending a plane
And you can catch a ride over here
So send a search party cause you're not coming home
After the party we can disappear

I caught a wave and I got carried away
And chances are, I belong out here
Don't send a search party unless you want them to stay
They'll wanna party if they find us here
But I would miss you so I'm sending a train
Then you can catch a ride over here
So send a search party but you're not going home
You bring the party to this atmosphere

Search Party!

I caught a wave and I got carried away
And chances are I belong out here
Don't send a search party cause I'm planning to stay
With you alone here in this atmosphere
And call me crazy but if this is the way
That life could be then I'll exist right here
So send a search party and we'll show them the way
To put the party in this atmosphere
Track Name: I Have A Hard Time Letting Go (Original Demo)
I'm not that special
So ordinary...
I've lost my direction...please come back to me

I messed around
And where I was lost I could be found
I was hiding from you
But I knew...
And I knew you could see right through
I learned that it's okay
If you want to see me that way
And I will stay right here with you as we both change

I want to tell you every single thing
But I don't know just where to start it's frightening...

And after all
These things I say they may seem small
But if you only knew, what I knew...
And the effect they have on you
You would run away
You wouldn't want to see me that way
There is something wrong inside me I can't change

I'm not unique
I'm just ordinary
So plain, I am boring
Unnecessary

I'm not that special
I'm ordinary
No super, I'm no hero
I just can't save me
But if you can understand and form a plan
I'll be running with you
No stopping me, no stopping you
And we'll run away
And no matter what they say
We can escape from our despair
We'll be okay

And we'll run away
And no matter what they say
We can escape from our despair
We'll be okay

And now that I can breathe
The world is calling out to me
Now that I can breathe
The world is calling out to me
Now that I can breathe
The world is calling out to me
And there's no looking back
It's in the past for me

Unnecessary

I'm not complex
I'm just ordinary
I've been afraid of life
And I've been suffering
My voice is strong and echoing
And my words are coming back to rescue me

Oh yes I am free
To perceive reality like dreams
I nearly lost myself in you
But now I'm free
But now I'm free
But now I'm free
But now I'm free
Track Name: The Oxidation Process (Live Acoustic For EDMTV)
I wanted to go away but I wanted to let you in
I wanted to close my eyes and find you climbed within
These dreams I have of you
They, they will not stop
When I open up my eyes I'm missing you in all my thoughts

But still I
I can try
Try to get you in here deep inside
Of my mind
Where I hide
But I'll get there soon if you give me time

I'm looking through into the best of you tonight
Where your love's my life support
Like oxygen to fire

I wanted to say something but it had to come from you
Where my words would fail me
I'd prefer the ones you choose
I wanted to let you in to love me even more
But after all this time what if I find I've said it all before

But still I
I can try
Try to get you on the inside
Of my mind
Where I hide
But we're not yet fully oxidized

I'm looking through into the best of you tonight
Where your love's my life support
Like oxygen to fire

I wanted to breathe your air and walk right in your shoes
I wanted to be on your mind and define myself with you
The way you move me never stops to make me think
About just why I wrote this song for you
A tattoo in music ink

For you I
I will try
I'll try to fix the broken parts inside
Of my mind
Where you smile
And when it settles maybe we can hang for a while

We can hang for a while
We, oh we, we can hang for a while

You define my life
You have turned my darkness into light
You define my life
You have turned my darkness into light